Over the past couple of days, DH and I have been talking. It was initiated by me, because I can’t keep on like this anymore. Along with his lies it feels like we’re not on the same page anymore about anything at all. Bump on the head aside, this has been a long time coming and the decision was made before the ice tried to give me a new hairdo.
I told him that I knew about the times he hid money after my “ultimatum”, but that fear of failing on my own kept me here. I am a much weaker person now then I was when I met him. I never had a fear of being on my own.
However, I couldn’t deal with his lies, manipulations and hiding money anymore. I can’t live with someone I can’t trust. This was it: all or nothing. He pulled his “I don’t remember doing/saying that.” stunt and I told him to stop it. The kids were witnesses. I told him not to make me drag them into it to prove my points. I called him out and told him we are either a team or not. The choice was his, but I am done unless things improve.
He said, “Team. We’re a team.”
We talked here and there around our schedules about a couple of important issues. I was, once again, promised that he would not hide money for himself. I pointed out that he wants a replacement for his car. He could’ve bought a brand new one with the money he’s hidden and blown over the years (The amount is in the tens of thousands).
He also agreed to pare down expenses, and focus that money on what we owe, so we could have a debt-free retirement in later years. I told him we are running out of time. He agreed. He even called me over to his computer to look at properties in the state our eldest daughter lives in. It made me think he might actually mean it this time.
However, I’ve heard it all before. Experience has shown me he gives nothing but empty promises. I’m trying to keep an open mind and not focus on past negatives, but it is really hard when it’s the same song and dance over and over.
I am giving him one last chance, but I’m also creating a back-up plan because the odds are high he will not change. I can’t keep going like this. The stress between this and another issue is causing health problems and such a destruction of my self-confidence and worth.
I will write posts about our agreed upon plans later. Right now I have to go finish shoveling the 12 inches of snow we got yesterday, so I can get to the goat barn without feeling like I’m doing a high-step march.