Almost a Year Later

Wow.  I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I’ve posted anything.  Unfortunately, I became sick.  It was gradual.  Doctors said that it looks like I started becoming ill 2 years ago.  It was just little things that I blew off as “getting older”.  In fact, a doctor did that as well.  I ignored it, got a seasonal job at a farm last summer, and tried to get through each day.  I noticed on certain days I was much worse like when it rained, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.   It felt like I had various degrees of the flu all the time. I hate being sick, so I found it extremely annoying.

Last October, I woke up and was in so much pain I couldn’t move.   It literally took me an hour to get out of bed.  I knew this wasn’t right.  This wasn’t getting older nor was it the need for a new mattress.  Every muscle I had was on fire.   I felt like I’d done a tremendous work-out, pushed my body beyond its limits, and was now paying for it, except I hadn’t.  Oddly enough, the more I forced myself to move, the better it became.  It just took me a while to realize it.

Eventually, I was in pain most of the time.  I couldn’t stay in one position for too long; because of that mornings were the worst.  It seemed to be worse in my legs and arms.  I would randomly start shaking.   One day I would be fine, the next my muscles felt like wet noodles. I couldn’t make plans, because I honestly had no clue if I’d be able to do anything day-to-day.

One son went to rub my back and my skin began burning where he touched.  I had to stop him.  I felt horrible, because he is my “touchy” son.  He loves physical contact.  He understood, but I still felt bad.

I kept putting off going to the doctor.  One day I was so weak and shaky, I couldn’t pick up my coffee mug (The horror!).  My youngest daughter said, “That’s it.  We’re going to the walk-in clinic now.”  She about literally dragged me out of the house.  She wasn’t taking “no” for an answer.  Once we arrived, the receptionist saw how hard my body was shaking, and I was immediately taken to a room.

By the time the doctor came in, it had stopped.  When she discovered I pulled a deer tick off my leg about a month before, she immediately jumped to that.  I don’t get along well with doctors to begin with.  That she ignored I’d been feeling like this before the tick was aggravating.   Over time other doctors were brought in.

At first, doctors said Lyme disease, but all the blood work came back negative – twice.  I was even sent to an infectious disease specialist who said it definitely wasn’t Lyme. Then began rounds of testing.  At one point, I felt like I was the main dish at a vampire banquet.   Thyroid was fine, so they thought maybe a degenerative disease (which would put me in a wheelchair), leukemia, lupus, muscle disease, blood diseases… but all of those came back negative.  In fact, everything came back normal or negative.  We kept ending back at square one, and I was getting frustrated.

 

 

Banging-head-against-the-wall

 

Every day, I had to prioritize everything based on need.   The animals needed to be cared for as well as my family.  I would go down the priority list and stop when I felt I was starting to push myself.  I had learned the hard way if I do that, I am out of commission for a day or more.  This blog and the one I occasionally write for had to be set aside for a bit.

After months of trying to figure it out, they came back with Fibromyalgia.  “Don’t worry.”, they said, “It’s not deadly, but it is incurable.  You can learn to manage it, but you will have it for the rest of your life.”   Excuse me?  What?!

Guess what?  I refuse to buy that.  I am a researcher, so I did what I love to do: massive amounts of research.   I learned as much as I could.  First I read all the doctors’ papers they gave me and online.  Deciding they were a load of junk (basically the patient is doomed to a life of pain), tossed them aside and went to the Fibro Forums.  I wanted to hear from people who actually have it.   I learned far more from them, and it sent me down a new direction that I am still exploring.

Anyhow, just a bit of an update.  I will do this blog when I can, and I may change the focus of it a bit not that it really had one to begin with.  🙂

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